Sunday, January 3, 2010

Bow Wow?!?...Wow.

I'm not really one to go in on dudes[||], unless I see them as a walking ass load of jokes (pause?), or a pathetic douche nozzle who's adamantly asking for it. But occasionally, some cats are targets for all the wrong reasons. Today is Bow Wow's turn. Plus, fuck it, he could use the publicity. I guess he knows it, too, & has aligned his "star power" with Chris Brown's. Bow Wow's effervescent mom should've told him that straddling the domestic violence poster boy would help his career about as much as naming his last album after a movie where the highlight was a hot, young Christopher Williams ([||]x1,000) getting stabbed through the hand for being light skinned (I took that as a personal slight, BTW). Oh shit, I forgot Chris Rock smoked crack in that piece! Okay, a movie where the highlight was Chris Rock smoking a rock, word to Alanis Morrissette.


Anyway...I won't say that Bow Weezy is a failure. Hell, I'm almost positive he has a watch, cuff link, or toothbrush that costs more money than I can make in a year. & that includes being a sperm donor and selling my piss to people who know I don't smoke weed anymore. But, as the big homie Ron Mexico says, money does not equate intelligence. Even when your mother's in charge of both. FTR, I liked 'Like Mike', but for the life of me, I can't name one Bow Wow song right now. I can sing Da Brat's 'Funkdafied' word for word, though. Just saying.


For some strange reason, despite missteps, bad fortune, &/or an obvious lack of any "grown folk" life direction, Big Bow Wow is still in the public eye. Blame Twitter if you must, although Myspace & FaceBook couldn't have hurt none. Probably the one aspect of Twitter that I truly can stomach is that it gives niggas something to read, & a reason to write, even if 90% of the contents are so grossly mispelled that it doesn't qualify as 'shorthand'. & judging by the majority of dogs & cats that swear by it, reading & writing really is for dumb people. Get it? & to think, I had no idea that I can see the future, like Nostradamus.


On New Year's Eve, in what I take to be an oddly humorous attempt to garner some fresh-out-the-box, 2010 publicity, Bow Wow used the reliable self-snitch machine, a/k/a Twitter, to let the world know that he's light years beyond the stupidity we came to know & love him for:


"Face numb. im whippin the lambo. Tispy as fuck. Just left @livmiami."


"I'm fucked up!!! Ohhhh damn. Y i drive the lambo. Chris might have to drive after next spot."


Apparently, young 'Shad was tweeting while drunk driving in a Lamborgini, a move that can only be pulled off by the most skilled douche nozzles. Think tying a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue, on a trampoline, while getting your sister's best friend pregnant. Yeah, like that.


&, he spelled "tipsy" wrong.


I'm at a loss for what was more saddening; the fact that he felt he had to advise all 300 of his followers that he's driving the same type of car that Rihanna's face beat up Chris Brown's fists (& career) in, or that he thought somebody actually cared. That's just a sign as to his thought process lacking the maturity needed to be the man he claims to be. Although, I guess hanging out with Omarion would make any dude feel a bit more masculine than they really are. Femininity aside though, as an adored public scapegoat, Shad should've known better. God forbid a drunken, pissed off Chris Brown had've been in the Lambo with him. A couple of flashbacks on Brown's part, & them niggas might have been tweeting between open-handed slaps to each other's mouths.


There's a pretty good chance that the majority of Bow Wow's followers are sexually confused teenage girls & impressionable young men who've been looking for father figures since their father figured it was time to blow town.


[tony's note:^^swish!! 2 points!]


Now matter how you slice it, that shit is just irresponsible. Even though he eventually apologized & deleted the original message, any possible damage was done.


"Apologize for that tweet. it was stupid and immature. not a way i want to kick my #2010 year off. i got too much good stuff lined up. my bad."


"Good stuff lined up..." Yeah, Shawty Redd had good stuff lined up too, if you smell my cologne. Even though it's hard for us adults to fathom, a lot of kids love this clown, despite the fact that he looks like the son that Lil Mama & Raja Rondo never had. Really though, Jermaine Dupri needs to step off that Black, male version of 'The View', & go back to mentoring young, misguided entertainment niggas, like he used to. Although, the last time I heard somebody say the phrase "so, so def" was on a television special about the life of Helen Keller. Actually, I would like to think he's old enough to facilitate his own post-teeny bopper career, especially if he's old enough to drive small fortunates while intoxicated. To let a virtual community know you're commiting a felony in real-time takes balls the size of dinner plates, or the same amount of stupidity that Tiger Woods had as he left his name on jump-off message centers. Either way, if it was attention he wanted, now he's got it.


Maybe he has a song coming out. Yeah, & it doesn't take a rocket scientist to guess who'll be doing the hook. No pun intended. Chris Brown & Bow Wow are easily the OJ Simpson & Al Cowlins of the Hip Pop universe. Damn, so many parallels to illustrate there that I'd rather just leave it up to you.


Consider it homework.

16 comments:

Federal Ranga said...

Damn, Grand$! Pick a template and stick with it, nigga!!! I'ma go colorblind in this bitch...

Annnnnnyways.... Shad is just a prime example of what happens when "big child stars" "grow up" "too fast" in the "public spotlight", "fade away" and "reappear" only to "self destruct" before their "midlife crisis"...

Trust me, its gonna get a LOT worse.

Commission!!!

Tony Grands said...

^^"Shad is just a prime example of what happens when "big child stars" "grow up" "too fast" in the "public spotlight", "fade away" and "reappear" only to "self destruct" before their "midlife crisis".."

^^^Roffle mayo!. 'Nuff said.

Aight, I'll leave the template's alone. For now.

Curtis75Black said...

I can never say he reappeared. Sort of like stuck around to be seen, like Game minus the twitter account. I don't know any of his lyrics also but yes, I know Funkafied by heart also.

BLESSD1 said...

When I lived in Atlanta, I knew a couple of people who had met or worked with young Shad, and the consensus was that he was a spoiled, self-centered little troll who thought he could say or do whatever he wanted. To say he's talentless is really overstating the obvious; the lil fucker didn't even write his own rhymes, and when he tried, couldn't sell shit. Still, you know bread makes motherfuckers feel themselves more than The Divinyls. Hope the little prick doesn't hurt anybody while "whipping the Lambo" "tispy as fuck"

Tony Grands said...

Y'all dudes remember you heard it from Grands, even if it's years down the road...

God forbid, but all signs point to him shooting himself haphazardly one day, or killing somebody accidentally, like Moesha, I mean Ray J's sister.

He's clearly not capable of cognitive thinking. Some of the hardbodiest cats I know look down their noses @ drunk drivers.

Imagine a man on probation for armed robbery talking about how drunk drivers are "no good for the community"...No Dice.

For all intents & purposes, he should be far removed from running around playing Twitter tag like common folk. Dudes been in the "game" for so long, there's no legitimate reason he's not behind a desk, getting his grown-businessman on.

The Bollocks said...

"Although, the last time I heard somebody say the phrase "so, so def" was on a television special about the life of Helen Keller."

KILLED IT WITH THAT ONE, TONY!!!

And extra points (and LOLz) for that "Funkafied" reference! Throwback.

shante carlan ; said...

I saw the Helen Keller tag and died laughing. I won't front, when I was 9 and 10 my friends and I knew all the lyrics to [Lil'] Bow Wow songs. but like every other childhood fad, we grew out of it.

I think that's what Bow Wow fails to realise, that his once massive fan base turned 18 and (finally) found out that he sucked since he started. he's just doing what everyone else would do when attention gets taken off of them, do stupid shit.

Kiana said...

It's been so long since I checked out your spot on the web and not on my phone, I like the blue!

That line about Bow Wow being Lil Mama and Rondo's love child had me dying.

The only lyric of his I can remember is "bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay, where my dogs at? bark w/me now." lol too bad he lifted most of that from somebody else.

I wonder who swooped on him so fast about that driving drunk tweet. he's a dumb one for that.

iame247 said...

if you think BowWow's current actions are bad. Wait till he finally realizes that hes irrevelent (of course we all ready know that) and nobody cares.

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